A few weeks ago, someone knocked on my room door and told me to go to the school office because I had a visitor. Surprised, I went to the office and saw an elderly man sitting at the desk. He introduced himself and explained that he received information about me through Becca, a fellow volunteer. Coincidentally, a few days before, Becca told me that I may get a call from an English teacher who occasionally came to her site. This gentleman, Philipose, asked if I could help with an English class for a group of Mar Thoma priests who were being sent to the United States in May. (Mar Thoma is an Indian Christian denomination which has many characteristics of the Orthodox tradition.) Although I did not know what exactly what his request entailed, I agreed to come and to visit Philipose’s class. Through comparing and contrasting American and Keralite culture and language, I gained a lot of clarity about my experiences with cross-cultural interaction by helping these priests prepare for living in a new environment and culture.
In the first class, I learned that these priests little exposure to American culture and to American English, and in fact, my accent and certain idioms are challenging because most of their English exposure comes from other Indians. For example, many Keralites say, “Did you take lunch?” From this phrase, I get the impression that someone is asking me if I physically brought a some sort of bagged lunch on an outing; however, I am aware of the different phrasings and now know “Did you take lunch?” means “Did you eat?” In general, many expressions and phrases differ in our different English-es, and I have become fluent in Kerala English. We discussed and practiced a lot of different expressions in our class, and the priests benefitted a lot from learning new ways to phrase things. Sometimes, I worry about my speaking and writing skills when I return home.
Although they are being sent to a few Mar Thoma parishes sprinkled across the U.S. and Canada in mostly major metropolitan areas and have a three year term, I was surprised at their understanding of American climate, geography, and customs. On the classroom whiteboard, I drew a little American map and discussed the different cultures, even demonstrated a few different accents of certain regions, and talked about weather. Eventually, our class sessions turned into a long question and answer session about American life, manners, customs, holidays, etc. with many good laughs thrown in because of the cultural misunderstandings. When I was explaining some of my native cultural customs to the priests, they often asked, “Why do you do that?” Most of the time, I could explain the origin and meaning of certain American customs, but a few instances made me question a few of my customs as well because I did not have a reasonable answer for the priests’ questions. Here are a few funny comments and questions:
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Priest: What do you wear when it snows? Should I buy cotton clothing, or do I need a different material? Due to the heat, humidity, and different laundering practices, the choice of fabric (cotton, rayon, nylon, etc.) is more crucial when purchasing clothes here. However, I explained that the choice of fabric does not necessarily determine the effectiveness of garment for cold weather because a person needs to look at the other factors, such as the thickness of a jacket, if a collar will guard your neck from the air, etc. Also, I described the technique of layering clothing.
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Chicago is close to California, right? We talked about geography on the first day to clear up some misunderstandings. Like them, I had to learn more specifics about geography of the destination country. Now, I know the location and names of most Indian states, regional names, etc.
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I can’t ask any questions without being rude! One priest expressed his frustration about manners and politeness. In his case, I had to explain that it is not polite to immediately ask a woman, “Are you married?” upon first meeting. (And then ask, “Why aren’t you married?” if she says no; it’s happened to me countless times!) after you learn her name. In general, Keralites ask very personal questions in a direct way, and often, this can misconstrued as rude by the average American. In class, I explained the decorum of different conversational situations and more polite ways to ask questions. In my opinion, the nuance, phrasing, and tone of the question almost matter more than the question’s content at times, and we tried learning and understanding this concept in class.
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Why is winter so long? I could only laugh in response to that question. Remember, I'm from southern California, the land of little weather change.
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Do you eat rice in America? I tried not to laugh at that question. My response: “Yes, people eat rice in America, but some people do not eat it every single day at multiple meals. However, the average American diet is more wheat-based.”
During our discussion, I realized how far removed I am from American culture and how long I’ve actually been here. Like my priest friends, I asked similar questions and expressed frustrations about trying to understand the culture here. To my Keralite friends, I am sure that I appeared extremely clueless, helpless, discombobulated, and lost a few months ago. Although I can function a lot better within society here, there are some days where I am caught off guard become irritated, angry, hostile, or upset from incidents because I either become aware of new customs/habits or am exhausted from having to adjust so my mind-frame, habits, the manner in which I speak, or even certain aspects of my personality. I have turned into a chameleon and feel like the confused chameleon in the popular children’s book,
The Mixed-Up Chameleon by Eric Carle. (I remember my parents reading that book before bed when I was little!) Cross-cultural interaction is full of compromise, and sometimes, I have to evaluate which aspects of my culture are negotiable and which are firm.
Sometimes, I find myself thinking, “I just want to be myself!” when I grow exasperated. But now, what does “myself” mean? Does
myself mean that I want to use my normal vocabulary, colloquialisms, syntax, and idioms? Does
myself mean that I can dress in a way which pleases me? Does
I just want to be myself! indicate that I crave something familiar? Even my YAV year’s 5 and 9/28 months have turned my life upside down. Through the voluntary exile* from my homeland, I am sifting through my cultural, moral, aesthetic, and spiritual preferences to discover deeper truths which are stripped of cultural veneer, and the process can be painful, bewildering, and very emotional. At this point, I am not ready to list what has been left behind or what I have found in this sifting process, and in fact, I will only understand some things when I have returned home.
*Although
voluntary exile may sound a little over the top, I recently read a lot exilic Biblical literature (Ezra, Nehemiah, & Esther; all having to do with the exile, return, and the Jewish Diaspora) and
Jesus Wants to Save Christians: A Manifesto for the Church in Exile by Rob Bell and Don Golden (I highly recommend this book, which is quite critical and challenges American churches). So, the ideas and words of exile, journeying, and exodus have been stuck in my head.
